Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
