Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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