When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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