So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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