I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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