Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
