just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
