I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
