this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
