So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
