Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
