Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
