Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
