It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
