imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
