Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
