Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
