This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
