uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
