and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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