All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
