i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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