yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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