maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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