If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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