Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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