Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
