I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
