i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
