She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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