When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
