my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
