I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
