I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
