we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
