I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
