so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
