I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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