So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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