I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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