I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
