What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you had me at cake vodka
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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