i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
