he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
