tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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