He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You need Xanax blowdarts
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
