I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
