I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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