Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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