Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
